| would you believe me if i said |
[05 Jul 2007|04:55pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 get away bozo! |
] |
She hopes she can get back her innocence. But she knows it's too late now. She didn't think through every little detail,
because she was careless and stupid. And look what her actions did, it cost her.
Why can't she play around like the kids sitting on the swings? Why can't she cry a little easier without worrying how she looked like?
While a million things race through her mind, she never stopped to realise that the problems have engulfed her into an endless pit of melancholy.
|
|
| and tell all your friends, you've got your gun to my head |
[03 Jun 2007|05:15pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 nostalgic |
] |
 When everything you'll get is everything that you've wanted, princess. (well which would you prefer) My finger on the trigger, or me face down, down across your floor.
It's the iPod in my possesion (not for long). I didn't go to church again today, Pat came over with his friend to collect his card. Weird bunch o' people.
---
It's a natural thing for me to wake up early in the morning expecting (what?), but there's nothing there. The aircon numbs, and noises from the other house make me fear (for something unimaginable). You can call me silly because i'd very much appreciate it. The whispers send chills down my arms, spine. The bed i've been lying on, now seemingly uncomfortable, beckons me to "hold on tight", because today is gonna be a bumpy ride. Old farmiliar tunes fill my head, nostalgia strikes me hard in the heart and I remember. I remember everything.
|
|
| the tear amongst the planets |
[31 May 2007|12:34pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 i love you more! :D |
] |
What I've been doing for the past few days? Sunday my class said goodbye to CCC or Mr Micheal, who is really gay but a good teacher nontheless. Break for the holidays, yes NAFA also follows the school system. We'll be going to another teacher, Mr Chia for the next semester and from what the boys (at the back) said, he is retarded and loves to talk to girls. Beware?
Monday was the day I had been looking forward to, he was coming home and we had kayaking that day. But sad to say kayaking was a huge letdown. The instructor wasn't very nice to begin with and it was hard to control the kayaks. I don't know, but we were all very happy and we treated it like fun and the instructor said that we didn't actually want to succeed in learning kayaks. If that was so why the hell were we there for? (besides to get our physical badge, ignore!)
Tuesday was better. Had AGM in the afternoon, Vice Chair of Pub Comm, responsibilities come in. After AGM went out with him to watch POTC 3. It was a hell of a night, thank God I met him ♥
Yesterday was the day of our kayak test, it didn't go too well but we all passed. Kayaked for 1 hour non-stop from Kallang river to the Singapore Flyer, rested under the Benjamin Sheares bridge.
I don't want to make lists on what I have to do during the holidays. I know that I'm not hardworking enough but I don't want to stress myself with lists that go on and on. I'll do what I have to do, when I want to do them. Which is most probably most of the time.
 ♥♥♥
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| the prick that makes me scarred for life (?) |
[28 May 2007|07:56pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
dammit |
] |
And only when you've been let down so many times before, that you have already grown numb to the pain. But it's too much to handle at a time and I'm sick and tired of being disappointed; in myself and in other people. I've tried my best to fix any broken part of anyone close to me, but if they choose to give up on themselves, not only do they hurt themselves, they hurt me. Great, I know, and why am I helping people? For no fxcking reason. (angst angst, fxcking angst.)
-- /
From up here the city lights burn,
like a thousand miles of fire,
and i'm here to sing this anthem of our dying day.
For a second i wish the tide,
would swallow every inch of this city,
as you gasp for air tonight.
(to pat) I only hope you'll stop thinking that way about yourself.
----
update tomorrow please, i've been thinking far too much about almost everything in a split second. I'm tired.
|
|
| to the sounds of the record player |
[27 May 2007|11:42am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 think busy? |
] |
It's hard enough staring at this space and wondering what to write. Expectations suck. The past 2 days have been a rollercoaster ride for me. I didn't go to church (again), and I actually shouldn't run away from whatever problem awaits me at church, but I'm a coward at heart so there's a long way to go before I can face those problems.
You realise that when heat, a good read and emotions drown you in an endless pit, it can really have you hanging by a thread. The sudden rage of emotions that attacked me last night just shook me and you could label nervous breakdown. But whatever, sympathy never works.
With downcast eyes
There's more to living than being alive
♥
|
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| burn out |
[26 May 2007|11:18am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
ohmamz |
] |
I'm updating about camp now, be prepared! :)
How ironic is it? Now that we're all in Singapore we all say 'we want to go back! I miss camp!' but when we're there we all will say 'I want to go back to Singapore'. But personally I really want to go back, one thing that I really really mind is the toilets, if they changed it, camp would be even more fun :D
Day 1
We assembled at the concourse and took attendance. Not much happened, lugged our bags all the way to the bus. The bus ride there was okay, talked to Fi, Su, E and Claudi. Reached the customs, both Malaysia and Singapore. I think customs suck, how troublesome can they be manzxzxzxz. When we reached the village I was a bit shocked. I wasn't expecting it to be so 'back to basic' and rural. We sat down in the hot sun and waited for the rest of the classes to come, while waiting we started going 'MG OIIIIIIIIIIIIII' and we said 'OIIIIIIIIIIIIIII' and started every cheer. The rest of the day went by, really boring sad to say. Half of the groups (1-16) went for Blind Man's trail and the rest of us did our learning tasks (boring). The highlight of the night were the stars, they were amazing. Went back to the bunks, actually blanked out when I was stoning. At that moment I forgot my name and what thee hell I was there for.
Charlotte is crazy. Something's wrong with her.
Day 2
Woke up at about 630, washed up and went for devotions, which was what I needed the most in the morning. Ate breakfast (it was a long time since I've eaten rice in the morning), had our water trekking after that. I was actually looking forward to it, so while we were walking, my mindset was 'Oh gosh! How fun!' Alot of people were screaming because apparently there was a snake (?). The water was knee deep and the walk was tiring, looking for the right grooves and holes in the ground, being cautious of leeches. By the time we came back, our shoes were soaking wet and full of sand and mud. We did outdoor cooking for lunch, baked beans, sardines, sausages, instant noodles and mixed vegetables never tasted so good. We went for No Man's Land after that. 10 of us had to go into the water to give support to people who would've fallen into the murky water. We took turns to go through the obstacle, then we went for jacob's ladder after that. A bit hard considering the holes were kinda big, went to the bridge thingamabob (i'm sorry, I forgot the name), then we went for the monkey bar. It was the first time in a long time that I managed to go past the first 2 bars, but I fell in anyway, so. Yeah. We had to answer the riddle about the fox, the rice and the hen that Kai asked us to answer, we did and got to sit on the raft that was pretty slow. After that we just started walking in the water because there was no more time for the slide, it was quite fun actually. After No Man's Land we went for Sherwood. The water there was colder than No Man's Land, so when we were asked to be supporters again, I was shivering inside the water. Kai was sitting on the other log at midpoint, no one (except Euodi) managed to walk past him. I almost did, but I fell in anyway :/ Went on the bridge after that, and Kai said that no one fell from the brige before so we were all relieved. But when it was Ashley's turn, she slipped and fell in. 'We broke the record!' Went on the sinking bridge after that, which was freaky in a way. Then we had to cross the tyre obstacle, which didn't look as easy as we thought it'd be. I actually saw mosquito larvae swimming inside the water :/ Washed up after that because the wind was pretty strong. Headed for dinner, and the Blind Man's Trail at night. It went pitch dark all of a sudden and the only sources of light were the lightsticks. The trainers were hiding in the bushes and trees, we spotted Kai very easily because of his necklace, 'Why so smart D:' Sat down on the wet grass once the 4 of us were done, the stars were amazing. Saw a shooting star and I could identify one constellation. Apparently Charleen got bitten by a leech, so a couple of us started squatting instead of sitting down. Went back, beat, as always, and I fell asleep.
Day 3
Had the usual in the morning. Washed up, breakfast, devotions. Prepared for the waterfall trek, which I kinda dreaded because of the number of leeches the Blackmore & Jackson girls said there were. Fiddled with the compass because we were supposed to find our own bearings later on during the trek. Set off to the road out, and it was blazing hot so it was very troublesome. We got there fast, but it was hard to climb here and there, slipped a few times. When we got into the water, alot of us screamed because the water was freezing. Played for a while but everyone started splashing so it was starting to get irritating. A few people like Joan got bitten and we were all 'Offspray to the rescue'. The walk back was vigorous because we had to rush, lunch was at 1 but we were running late. At the last stretch, it rained very heavily so we were running in the rain. Had lunch with our ponchos on because it was so wet. Went for Outback cooking. That was pretty boring to say the least, but the food wasn't all that bad. Went rafting after that and we built the raft that wasn't successful at first, but it managed to float and stay in shape. It was a hilarious sight and the teacher that was observing us was laughing (like crazy). We prepared our item for the campfire with group 12 after that, then we bathed and ate barbeque dinner (<3!). Went for the campfire after that, which rocked like crazy because everyone was so enthu and the trainers kept making us laugh. The teachers performed for us and Ms Soo was suprisingly enthusiastic about it. Campfire ended, we got twisties and ate it under the stars.
That's pretty much what happened. The 4th day was pretty boring, we screamed alot during the clean up and we played concentration with Kai, ate seafood lunch at the Kelong (O:) and went back to school.
The heritage tour yesterday was pretty okay. Now I really want to become a studynerd and read about Singapore's history.
|
|
| across |
[24 May 2007|09:14pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 yawnzxzxz |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
brighter - paramore |
] |
Update tomorrow, for now let me sleep (and never wake up please.)
To : Takecare, and, how much? ♥
|
|
| for the way you held my hand |
[20 May 2007|09:12pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
loved |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Better Than Me - Hinder |
] |
All I can think about now is camp camp camp. I just packed my bag and believe me, it is freakishly &*(^#@()! BIG. I'm not exactly panicking about the things I don't have because I pretty much have everything, but I'm panicking because my bag is DAMNNNNNNNN BIGGGGG. (Yes, call me crazy)
Past few days had been really awesome, kickass awesome. Yesterday's Southwest Young Leaders day was so darn cool okay. It was broadcasted on 93.8 LIVE (yes, radio) When we started our shift the schools just started pouring in and 1 or 2 didn't cooperate but overall they were okay. Did duty with Sabina, and when it was lunch time (all the schools went to the canteen to eat) one guy said 'Bye! BYE!' and read Sab's nametag and said 'BYE SABINA'. How retarded is that. We had buffet lunch provided, food <3 Went back in to guard the door (wahseh) then Ben told us we could go up to watch, so we did. Personally, I think he wanted some private time with Loelle, but no luhhhh (:
It was kinda boring, Mr Micheal Ma was speaking and he had this Brit accent that I kept imitating. Was drawing bikinis with Sau, our juniors beside us kept laughing. Yes, we were that bored. I don't think we did much after that.
On Wednesday Oli, Fi and I went to KAP. E joined us shortly after. We ate and did the usual, laughed and took pictures. E had to go back to school after that, so Oli, Fi and me went to explore the oohloo oohloo place at the railway on the way to kap. We took some pictures but I was a bit distracted because I was talking to Yikun on the phone. We walked all the way straight after that, past Maplewoods, past Tesserina, to the 7-eleven store. Then we crossed the over-head bridge to the other side and took a bus to Guthry House to eat some ice cream. Bought a corndog that sucked shit, shared it with Oli, then we took a bus back to school.
 hehe, I ♥ my hi-tops I ♥ you :D |
|
| you've got me tangled around your finger |
[13 May 2007|10:29pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 bahdummm |
] |
Saturday was spent wasting the day away. I was very drowsy in the afternoon, so I slept through 2-4 pm. I woke up to eat my cookies, a light snack just before the rain came down. I don't recall doing anything, maybe I was stoning the day away. Yes I wasted the day away. Dinner came, the spaghetti was the worst I've ever tasted. Waited until everyone went to sleep, then talked to Yikun again.
Didn't go to church today, had sore eyes in the morning. Went down to NAFA to pick my sis up and to eat lunch at tcc again. Macaroni gratin! Stoned alot, don't know what's up with my nowadays. Was a bit worried if I didn't have class, so went up to check. Finished lunch and waited outside. Nothing much happened, class was retarded and cold/freezing all the same. Pat was so undecisive, so we went to paragon first. Waited for what seemed like 56 minutes/1 hour until he came. We ordered, mr koh sir was very gentlemanly, according to my mom. After dinner we walked to cine, wanted to check out the movie time slots. Surprisingly everything else was sold out, so my mom invited him to my house. Time passed very fast, nothing much happened.
i do, in some ways.
yes, me too. ♥
now, I'm sorry mr s.
|
|
| pictures |
[11 May 2007|09:12pm] |
Pictures from today's langarts tea party. Not much and not very good quality, took from E.  The Young family :D  Toad in the hole  and then it was gone  P/s I am a retard.  Yo  Yes, retarded. Fi looks so angry  Woahhhh |
|
| hello (dear) |
[11 May 2007|05:02pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 sick |
] |
The reason why people are struggling in society is because they're scared. I'm sick of being scared.
It's been really hot these past few days, but maybe it's just me. Yesterday was fun with Yikun, we watched Spiderman 3! Pat met us later on and they walked me to the mrt station. 'Fine artist yeah!' No. But they kept making me laugh. Donated $2.10 to a disabled man, Pat 'It's good to give' and Yikun echoes 'It's good to give...' Came back at about 7, was actually very worn out and tired. Had quite a hard time deciding what to wear for today's Langarts "tea party", E told me that she was baking the Toad in the hole, so that problem was solved. Earlier in the day we dissolved the shell of a quail's egg, it was darn cool and the end product was just a membrane covering the yoke. How cool is that, yo?
We changed during recess for the langarts party. Sorry Rah! I forgot to tell you. My mom's shirts were too small, Shyen and me took some time to get into them, shared a cubicle with her and Kat. Had to keep holding the door or else everyone else could see what we were wearing. Got out, people told me 'You look like an artist!' and I'm like wha? I'm not supposed to look like an artist, I'm supposed to look like a nunnn. Ran back to class to risk any embarrassment. Eventually rushed down and everyone was staring at us. Couple of the class was there, so many people were staring at us, damn humiliationnnnnnn. Mrs Chew finally arrived and she looked at all of us and said '2i is going to score very high for this task' and we yayed. Everyone started to lay out their food, looked so good, so we started chowing. The food looked good, it tasted good too, great even. Ate so much and I stuffed myself fat. Got a stomach ache after that, ran to the toilet, diarrhea!(sp?) Got back, trembled a bit, Mrs Chew bought the whole class ice cream!<3 Took photos after that and went up to class with Claudi. Oli and E joined soon after. Came back late for Bio and Mrs Lee told the class 'Pleeeeaasseee don't change nowwww.'
I think Ludacris is cool ;D I'm sorry, I'm too weird for you. I'm not going for the briefing tonight, I really have diarrhea now O:
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| you don't really know me, no |
[09 May 2007|09:04pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 woahhh |
] |
Been listening to the radio for the past three days, 8-11 with Carrie Chong! But whatever, even that can distract me from my work. Got back our results today, I passed both but Lifescience was just horrible. Fi said that she only studied Chem on the day itself, but she got 51/60 O: Past few days have been ultra boring, period. Not much homework, moodswings, food, 98.7fm = temptation.
Yesterday Fi, Kat, Oli and Yap came home with me. Yap was urgent at the school bus stop so she left her bag with us while she sprinted to KAP for the toilet. Got onto a bus with Ras and Angie, went without Yap, so we were just carrying her bag like that. Talked and made alot of noise at the back. Ras changed seat and sat with us, holding Yap's bag. We got off at the stop and were waiting for Yap in another bus. Cheered when she went down the bus, then we were like 'Where is her bag?' then she thought we were joking. It was still on the bus with Ras, holding it tightly. Yap broke down, we were in a dilemma. Soothing, telephone calls, shrieks, screams, resolution.
At my house Oli used my computer, Fi and Kat helped with the Toad in the Hole. Baked, baked, baked, turned out awful but the sausages were nice okay. Showed them crookedsixpence's deviantart flash products, awesome stuff. Scared them with the email Sau sent the contingent. They went home, sent them down, Kat 'Charlotte you're such a nice hostess!' Haha :D
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|
| will engulf my heart and never give it back again |
[07 May 2007|06:46pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 hmm |
] |
I've realised how everyone else in life is precious. I guess I've been too preoccupied with my own problems. Like I had any. Maybe I just complained and whined too much. Now what I have, I'll give. I've focused my mindset on towards the happiness in life. God showed something to me during PE today, only a few people noticed that, and I was one of them. I'm not saying I'm special. Just. I notice too many things at one time, I notice how the sun's rays hit on the leaves of trees, I notice how the clouds reflect the pink of the coming sunset, I notice old ladies picking up rubbish from the bins and I become upset, I notice how people look while they're going home from work in the MRT, tired. They don't know what to expect from tomorrow, what to expect from today. I don't think too much until I zone out, I notice things and I ponder. Maybe it's just a Charlotte thing no one will understand, but you know, you aren't supposed to anyway.
But, if you do, I applaud you (:
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| straight throught the heart, i think you're a bit too late |
[06 May 2007|11:04pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
:D |
] |
It's late, so I'm gonna make this quick.
Weekend's been tough on me, yet, believe it or not, it made me realise what a bitch I am, it changed me. Stayed up until 12/1 am on Friday/Sat with Yikun just to talk, he's great, really.
Had a tough time struggling with a fight, I'm glad I've settled it. The ccckrew forever baby!
It's been officially 1 week and 1 day, where is Mr Sunshine you ask? I don't know really, but I want to. I've been having much lack of sleep making me feel very drained during daytime. Oddly, I don't feel tired now. Bring out the sleeping pills, psh.
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|
|
[05 May 2007|06:19pm] |
Took these from Cassie's lj. I'm bored, so sue me.
| You Communicate With Your Body | 
This isn't as bad as it sounds, it just means that you're a "touchy-feely" person.
You need a lot of affection in your life. And for you, this means both giving and receiving little touches.
Warm hearted, you bond with people easily. In fact, you often feel a little sad when you're not in the company of others.
A little moody, you tend to be controlled by your emotions. But a big hug always comforts you! |
| Your Theme Song is Beautiful Day by U2 | 
"Sky falls, you feel like
It's a beautiful day
Don't let it get away"
You see the beauty in life, especially in ordinary everyday moments.
And if you're feeling down, even that seems a little beautiful too. |
| Your Power Color Is Lime Green | 
At Your Highest:
You are adventurous, witty, and a visionary.
At Your Lowest:
You feel misunderstood, like you don't fit in.
In Love:
You have a tough exterior, but can be very dedicated.
How You're Attractive:
Your self-awareness and confidence lights up a room.
Your Eternal Question:
"What else do I need in my life?" |
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